Sunday, August 7, 2022

The Unpaid Consultant

 Aunt Ksenia tells this story of Gwen in first grade.

Gwen: I know what Dad does at his job and what Mom does at hers. Aunt Ksenia, what do you do?

Ksenia: I'm a consultant. I give people advice, for money. 

Gwen runs off: Mom, mom! I've been giving people advice at school all year and no one has been paying me!


Wednesday, June 22, 2022

On the need to say funny things

 The family is having dinner at home.

George: Gwen, I resurrected the blog about you as you wanted, but you need to say funny things if you want me to add to it.

Gwen: OK, I will try to say funny things.

Alexandra: This exchange, you should put this exchange in the blog.

George: Why? There is nothing funny about this, it's just a statement of fact.

Tuesday, June 7, 2022

The cat has turned mean

 Gwyneth is back from college for the summer.

Gwen: This cat has turned mean since I was gone.

George: I haven't noticed that, she's pretty calm.

Gwen: Look, I'll prove it.

Gwyneth hisses at the cat. The cat looks at her warily.

She wiggles her fingers at the cat, aggressively. The cat looks at her even more warily.

Gwyneth hisses and wiggles her fingers at the cat. The cat has had enough and hisses back.

Gwen: See! She's mean!

Monday, May 2, 2022

Driving expectations

Gwyneth had recently gotten her driver's license, and is driving on her own, until one night she calls us to pick her up. George is discussing the incident.

George: Getting a flat tire happens - I've gotten many flat tires over the years. Having a hole means they usually go flat gradually, but do occasionally blow out more suddenly. But having two tires blow out at once is impressive, that's never happened to me.

Gwyneth: I try to exceed expectations.

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

Becoming a surgeon

Gwyneth is off to college and wants to become a surgeon. We're very proud, but grandfather wants to dissuade her. 

Grandfather: If you become a surgeon, you'll have to cut people open, you'll be up to your elbows in blood every day. You'll have a lot of stress.

Gwyneth: Oh no, I'm fine with that. In fact, it will be relaxing. If I had a hard day, I'll be able to come to work and stab people. It will relieve all my stress.

George looks frightened.

Gwyneth, seeing George look frightened: Well, you know. To make them better. Stab them to make them better.

The cute boy

Gwyneth, as a teenager, and George, are walking in a campground by a pond. We see a large Indian family on the beach, parents and maybe five children, mostly boys from the ages of 2 to 18, in swimsuits.

Gwyneth: Wow, what a cute boy!

George looks: Yes, that two-year-old is adorable.

Gwyneth, frowning: No, Papa. That was not the one I meant.

Continuing adventures

Gwyneth, now mostly grown up, found this blog!

Gwyneth: This is so cool! I didn't realize you were writing down the things I said and did. But why does it end in 2014, why did you stop writing about me?

George: Well, we though you might not want us to write about you any more now that you're grown up, you might be embarrassed. Also, now that you're mostly grown up you don't say so many cute things.

Gwyneth: No, please, write more. I will try to say more cute things, I promise!

Saturday, March 29, 2014

A day in a life

A relatively typical Saturday for my daughter:

1. the day started off with finishing math homework for tomorrows class, than
2. we rushed off for Gwenchik's tae kwon do belt testing (she broke the board and got her red with black stripe belt!!!)
3. snacks in the car on the way to volleyball practice (volleyball camp she started a few weeks ago)
4. Brandies Univ for the Russian folklore concert "Kostroma"
5. friends and food at Panera
6. and finally bed

Not bad for a 10 year old, and she wants every day like that!!! 

Friday, March 28, 2014

All grown up birthday surprise

My now 10 year old daughter woke up at 5:30 am in the morning to clean up the house before rushing off to school for my birthday!!!! On her own, without any prodding or suggestions from me -- it was a total awesome surprise. Now she is all grow up.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Robert Frost

Gwyneth is trying to impress her uncle.
"...and do you know Robert Frost? He was a complete idiot. He wrote this poem called 'The Road Not Taken', about how he came to this fork in the road, and one way was nice and wide and clean, and the other one was all dark and narrow and with tigers and bears and things, and how proud he was that he took that one. Idiot!"

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Allowance

Gwen: Once I get enough money I can buy my own Nexus, right?
Me: Yes, and in a couple of years we will start giving you allowance.
Gwen: Why?
Me: So that you can buy some of the things you want.
Gwen: In a couple of years I will be 12 already and will be able to walk around on my own and then I could cat sit and earn money that way, I will not need an allowance!
....
Such mature talk from my almost 10 year old.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Advantages of being male

From George
We're sorting clothes.
Gwen: Mom, what's this?
Mom: That's a top with a built in shelf bra.
Gwen: How useless!
Mom: Some day it will be very useful to you.
Gwen: Dad,you're so lucky to be a man. You will never have to wear a bra.
George: That's something to write down in the blog.
Gwen: What? That's not funny, it's just true.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

European lady

Gwenchik is trying on European clothes that a friends of mine passed along
Gwen: Wow, I really look like a European woman now
Me: Do you like that?
Gwen: Well, now I will be cooking, riding horses and marry young...

Where did she get that notion???

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

No Tooth fairy

Gwen: I know, for sure that there is no Tooth Fairy!
Me: How can you be so sure?
Gwen: When my tooth fell, I put it under the pillow and didn't tell you -- and there was nothing even after several days!
Me: Well, did you put into a plastic bag? Did you write a letter?
Gwen: Yes I did and mailed it to her.
Me: Where?
Gwen: I will not tell you, but I dropped it in a box -- and there was still NOTHING. There is NO Tooth fairy.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Do not want to grow up

We had Gwenchik's friend Jenny over (she is two years older)
Gwen: I do not want to grow up.
Me: Why?
Gwen: Jenny said that when you grow up everyone expects a lot more from you. I am not ready...

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Cute brother

Gwen: We have the cutest baby! (brother Max)
Me: Of course he is.
Gwen: No, I do not like babies -- they are loud and demanding, but our Max is really cute and always smiling. And I say that not because I am his sister, really!

Monday, January 28, 2013

Boyfriend dilemma

Lately Gwenchik has been very popular in her school and quite a few boys are inviting her over for "playdates".  On the way back from one of these...
Gwen: I had such a weird playdate today.
Me: In what way?
Gwen: Can you believe it, L. asked me to be his girlfriend. I wasn't sure what to say, so I sort of ignored him.
Me: Did that work?
Gwen: No, not only that, he started to hug me. So finally I told him that I am only 9 years old and I am too young for this!!!! And I like someone else more anyways to tell you the truth.
Me: Good for you. 

Monday, January 14, 2013

Indecision

Gwyneth decided to spend her own money (from lemonade stands and presents) to get an ipod nano.
Me: So which color do you want?
Gwen: Which one do you like purple or red?
Me: Red, I think.
Gwen: I want red and I want purple....ahhhh, I can't decide.
......
5 hours later
Gwen: I want red and I want purple....ahhhh, I can't decide.
So we finally agreed that I will buy the color that I think would be best for her!!!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Familiarity breeds boredom

George was picking up Gwenchik from Tae Kwon Do and one of her teammate asked:
Teammate: Is this your uncle?
Gwen: Oh no, this is my father. My uncles are much more fun.
....
Then she saw that Dad heard that and corrected herself
Gwen: No, no. I meant that my uncles look to be more interesting, but in reality you are fun as well.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Is there Santa 2

Gwen: Where do you mail Santa's letter? If I write in Russian ( our Santa is ded Moroz and he brings presents on the 1st of the year) how will the American mail man figure out where to send it?
Me: When you send letters to Russian you write the entire address in Russian and just and "Russia" in English.
Gwen: True. and that seems to work. So do I just ad "North Pole"? Is there a number on his mailbox?
Me: I suspect that he is the ONLY one who lives there, so no mailbox number.
Gwen: What about the elves?