Gwen is visiting for spring break, and during lunch is trying to help Mom convince younger brother Max to get braces.
Max: I don't want them, they're going to hurt, I don't need them.
Gwen: No, Max, I had braces, they don't hurt and you do need them. The sooner you get them over with the better.
Mom: Speaking of which, Gwen, we need to make you an appointment with your doctor.
Gwen: I don't want to, it's going to hurt, I don't need it!
Gwen comes home excited after an evening on the town with her peers.
Gwen: You'll never guess where we went! We were really hungry and wanted to get a burger, and every place was full or closed, except for one. Go on, guess.
Parents try to guess, wrong.
Gwen: Hooters! Every restaurant except Hooters was full, so we went there. But the waitress gave us horrible service. I didn't even tip. All the girls agreed. Only the boy we had along thought it was still worth tipping.
George: I'm shocked, shocked, that only the boy appreciated the service at Hooters, and the girls didn't.
Gwen: No, it's not like that! The service was really terrible, it took almost an hour and our food was cold when we got it.
Parents: Were there other customers in the restaurant?
Gwen: Yes, it was about half full.
George: Were the other customers also mostly female college students?
Gwen: No, they were mostly adult men.
George: I'm, shocked, shocked that the Hooters waitress paid more attention to the tables with adult men than to the table with mostly college age women.
Gwen: No, it's not like that!
George comes out to try to drive our car, and is surprised to find that he can't. After a few attempts, and some deductive work, he comes back to talk to Gwen.
George: Gwen, did you drive the car a short while ago?
Gwen: Yes...?
George: Did you park it rather close to the driver's side wall of the driveway?
Gwen: Oops!
George: How did you even get out?
Gwen: Through the passenger side! Is that a problem?
George: No, it's OK, I'll do that...
Gwen is home from college and helping unpack groceries.
Gwen: You didn't buy any actual food. You just bought fruit and meat and vegetables!
Gwen: Spencer (our cat) looks so lonely in the backyard. We should get him some animals to chase and kill.
George: What kind of animals?
Gwen: We should buy him a box of chickens or something.
Aunt Ksenia tells this story of Gwen in first grade.
Gwen: I know what Dad does at his job and what Mom does at hers. Aunt Ksenia, what do you do?
Ksenia: I'm a consultant. I give people advice, for money.
Gwen runs off: Mom, mom! I've been giving people advice at school all year and no one has been paying me!
The family is having dinner at home.
George: Gwen, I resurrected the blog about you as you wanted, but you need to say funny things if you want me to add to it.
Gwen: OK, I will try to say funny things.
Alexandra: This exchange, you should put this exchange in the blog.
George: Why? There is nothing funny about this, it's just a statement of fact.
Gwyneth is back from college for the summer.
Gwen: This cat has turned mean since I was gone.
George: I haven't noticed that, she's pretty calm.
Gwen: Look, I'll prove it.
Gwyneth hisses at the cat. The cat looks at her warily.
She wiggles her fingers at the cat, aggressively. The cat looks at her even more warily.
Gwyneth hisses and wiggles her fingers at the cat. The cat has had enough and hisses back.
Gwen: See! She's mean!
Gwyneth had recently gotten her driver's license, and is driving on her own, until one night she calls us to pick her up. George is discussing the incident.
George: Getting a flat tire happens - I've gotten many flat tires over the years. Having a hole means they usually go flat gradually, but do occasionally blow out more suddenly. But having two tires blow out at once is impressive, that's never happened to me.
Gwyneth: I try to exceed expectations.
Gwyneth is off to college and wants to become a surgeon. We're very proud, but grandfather wants to dissuade her.
Grandfather: If you become a surgeon, you'll have to cut people open, you'll be up to your elbows in blood every day. You'll have a lot of stress.
Gwyneth: Oh no, I'm fine with that. In fact, it will be relaxing. If I had a hard day, I'll be able to come to work and stab people. It will relieve all my stress.
George looks frightened.
Gwyneth, seeing George look frightened: Well, you know. To make them better. Stab them to make them better.
Gwyneth, as a teenager, and George, are walking in a campground by a pond. We see a large Indian family on the beach, parents and maybe five children, mostly boys from the ages of 2 to 18, in swimsuits.
Gwyneth: Wow, what a cute boy!
George looks: Yes, that two-year-old is adorable.
Gwyneth, frowning: No, Papa. That was not the one I meant.
Gwyneth, now mostly grown up, found this blog!
Gwyneth: This is so cool! I didn't realize you were writing down the things I said and did. But why does it end in 2014, why did you stop writing about me?
George: Well, we though you might not want us to write about you any more now that you're grown up, you might be embarrassed. Also, now that you're mostly grown up you don't say so many cute things.
Gwyneth: No, please, write more. I will try to say more cute things, I promise!
