Stocking the back yard with prey

Gwen: Spencer (our cat) looks so lonely in the backyard. We should get him some animals to chase and kill.

George: What kind of animals?

Gwen: We should buy him a box of chickens or something.

The Unpaid Consultant

 Aunt Ksenia tells this story of Gwen in first grade.

Gwen: I know what Dad does at his job and what Mom does at hers. Aunt Ksenia, what do you do?

Ksenia: I'm a consultant. I give people advice, for money. 

Gwen runs off: Mom, mom! I've been giving people advice at school all year and no one has been paying me!

On the need to say funny things

 The family is having dinner at home.

George: Gwen, I resurrected the blog about you as you wanted, but you need to say funny things if you want me to add to it.

Gwen: OK, I will try to say funny things.

Alexandra: This exchange, you should put this exchange in the blog.

George: Why? There is nothing funny about this, it's just a statement of fact.

The cat has turned mean

 Gwyneth is back from college for the summer.

Gwen: This cat has turned mean since I was gone.

George: I haven't noticed that, she's pretty calm.

Gwen: Look, I'll prove it.

Gwyneth hisses at the cat. The cat looks at her warily.

She wiggles her fingers at the cat, aggressively. The cat looks at her even more warily.

Gwyneth hisses and wiggles her fingers at the cat. The cat has had enough and hisses back.

Gwen: See! She's mean!

Driving expectations

Gwyneth had recently gotten her driver's license, and is driving on her own, until one night she calls us to pick her up. George is discussing the incident.

George: Getting a flat tire happens - I've gotten many flat tires over the years. Having a hole means they usually go flat gradually, but do occasionally blow out more suddenly. But having two tires blow out at once is impressive, that's never happened to me.

Gwyneth: I try to exceed expectations.

Becoming a surgeon

Gwyneth is off to college and wants to become a surgeon. We're very proud, but grandfather wants to dissuade her. 

Grandfather: If you become a surgeon, you'll have to cut people open, you'll be up to your elbows in blood every day. You'll have a lot of stress.

Gwyneth: Oh no, I'm fine with that. In fact, it will be relaxing. If I had a hard day, I'll be able to come to work and stab people. It will relieve all my stress.

George looks frightened.

Gwyneth, seeing George look frightened: Well, you know. To make them better. Stab them to make them better.

The cute boy

Gwyneth, as a teenager, and George, are walking in a campground by a pond. We see a large Indian family on the beach, parents and maybe five children, mostly boys from the ages of 2 to 18, in swimsuits.

Gwyneth: Wow, what a cute boy!

George looks: Yes, that two-year-old is adorable.

Gwyneth, frowning: No, Papa. That was not the one I meant.

Continuing adventures

Gwyneth, now mostly grown up, found this blog!

Gwyneth: This is so cool! I didn't realize you were writing down the things I said and did. But why does it end in 2014, why did you stop writing about me?

George: Well, we though you might not want us to write about you any more now that you're grown up, you might be embarrassed. Also, now that you're mostly grown up you don't say so many cute things.

Gwyneth: No, please, write more. I will try to say more cute things, I promise!